Trip Report – Pear Shaft 8th March 2018
Present : 7 UCET Members and the Police
For the purposes of crime prevention, prosecution avoidance, doubt and blame; some names have been omitted and some have been changed. In fact, for the further avoidance of doubt, some or all of this report may be false in part or its entirety. The author has posted by proxy and any involvement is wholly denied. The author’s name has, in any event, been changed.
Having arrived a tad early, I took to waiting for the others to arrive. The lane had been adapted since my last visit and I considered others may be confuddled by the new layout so turned to face oncoming traffic with my lights on to attract attention as the evening darkness began to fall.
Presently, three vehicles turned into the lane. The lead vehicle was driven by Murf, the following vehicle was a marked police pursuit vehicle and the tailing vehicle contained two other persons whose names I don’t know because I never saw them on any of the other club trips we have been on together.
Murf drove straight past me, presumably noting the existence of the police pursuit vehicle behind him. He appeared to pretend that he hadn’t seen me or was even part of “us”. He parked further down the lane “out of the way”. The tailing vehicle stopped well short (presumably for the same reason) and only later joined the group after the Police had left the scene.
The Pursuit vehicle drew level with my own and the window serenely came down to reveal an Officer of the law motioning for me to do the same. I complied. We both alighted from our vehicles and, after a brief “chat”, I explained that Murf (who was parked further down the lane watching) was our chairman and that he was the right person for the Police Officer to approach regarding the matter in hand. I headed over to Murf in front of the (now walking) officer and had just enough time to explain that it was considered we were trespassing and that I had grassed him up as being the club chairman. Murf seemed a bit upset at my actions but I was keen to make a clean getaway.
The Police officer kitted in full body armour and armed with both CS gas and a Taser gun made an immediate impression on Murf who folded like an empty suit to the ground. Some what red faced, Murf attempted to explain that we had permission to be where we were and when asked by whom he pointed to a random house with a light on and said “them, their the landowner”. They weren’t.
The questioning continued with the word “Sir” being uttered at least twice in every sentence by Murf who also did a very poor job of keeping all of his spittle inside of his mouth. It was also evident his vaping machine was being significant abused throughout the line of questioning.
The two other (tailing) members appeared but I intercepted them before they could reach the scene. Murf, by this time was (to say the least) in a “state” with an excess of verbage including a now exhaustive use of the word “Sir”.
I calmly explained to the other two members that the officer was an ex-member of the club that Murf had failed to recognise and was winding him up (rather successfully). Unable to contain ourselves we burst out laughing but Murf appeared to believe we were laughing at his misery and mis-fortune which, presumably, didn’t make him feel any better.
The Police officer finally admitted who he was and after 16 minutes of persuasion, Murf finally accepted that he was an ex-member of the club and the “event” was a wind up.
After his initial explosion of expletives he decided to regale us (including the police officer) with various tales of his past doings. Each time there was an intervention to remind him he was in the presence of a Police Officer. Each time he said “it’s ok, he’s one of us” - somewhat missing the point, he had to be “shut down” several times.
Of course, the other members arrived to find the Officer on site and, of course, everyone thought very sorry for Murf and offered him a lot of sympathy.
The event having ended, the police left and we went caving.
It was dark.
Report Ends.
Ian
